We all must have talked about the word ‘feedback’ sometime or the other–be it feedback to our bosses, our subordinates or our relatives–even our kids. But more often than not, it goes wrong or we fail miserably in doing so. Why? The journey of feedback is more important than the end result.
Imagine yourself in a situation wherein you know that something is not right (please pay attention to the words..’something is not right’ & not ‘something is wrong’). Its something you want to talk about, discuss, maybe you perceive it as a problem which needs a solution. But the ‘frustrating’ part is that the other has a completely different outlook. But until you talk about it, you will end up in a vicious circle of thinking and then over thinking about it–but with no solution thus making it a never ending process.
One might feel that its easier to say and advise than be in a situation. Lets take a common situation that parents come across “My kid doesn’t take up any responsibility”. Isn’t it ironic? On one hand you are calling your child a ‘kid’ and on the other you also expect them to take ‘responsibility’. Here, we need to define, what responsibility? Are you expecting your older child to take the responsibility of your younger child? If yes, then that would reflect that you trust their thinking and decision making capacities. If yes, then when you are defining their schedules, asking them to join certain courses, defining their time limits etc. etc. etc. why not include them?
Children have the most amazing thinking capacities. They come up with better solutions than you can imagine! The reason being that their experiences are wider and more open contrary to thought that ‘they don’t know what life is’. The fact that they don’t know much is their strength. They don’t get confounded by the cultural what to do’s and open up their minds to imaginations beyond what is constricting you. Here are a few ‘feedback to do’s’ …
- Its best to keep the communication channels open with your children. Feedback is a two way communication. If you want to give feedback, then learn & ask to feedback from your children as well.
- Its best to trust them so that they can trust you.
- Its best to make them smart but not at the cost of their innocence, imagination or creativity.
- Let them participate in their own lives. So next time you are building their schedule, please ask them to do it and extend your helping hand instead of telling them.
- Use certain words like ” I want to discuss something with you” or ” I need your suggestion”; and then participate.
- Build some communication rules such as neither you nor you children will use gadgets such as phones or ”whatapp” while discussing something with you. Children will leave their phones, but remember YOU also have to leave them for the ten minutes you are spending with them for a good quality discussion.
- Let them explore and explore with them.
- Don’t punish yourself or feel guilty. You are as old a parent as your child is. So you are learning along with them. They are born in different times than you so their environment is different. And the different environment is being provided by you only! So learn and grow with them.
The environment that children grow up in greatly affects their personalities. Parents always give it their best. So add one more thing to your ‘to do list’–Open up to share the experiences of your children.